Back to School Reminder: Be Kind. Like Running, It's Good for the Mind and Body

Recently, I stumbled upon the “Scholastic News” magazine in my son’s school “to review “papers/etc. Yeeeesssss. I am that parent. Really? Yes, I really read every paper sent home and e-mail from his school/sports teams/classes, etc.- verbatim. If you know me or have read my blog posts or tweets, I’m sure you’re not surprised. Hence, one of the many reasons I decided to mother one child. Ha!

What was so interesting about the “Scholastic News” magazine that inspired me to write up a blog post?

This article.

At some point or another, unfortunately, many of us have experienced bullying. Using the word “experience” is actually not appropriate, to me, because I find that the word, experience, describes a positive. I’m a big fan of experiences. “Experiences over material items” is my motto. However, when googling “experience”, the dictionary definition that first pops up is:

ex·pe·ri·ence (ˌikˈspirēəns)Noun 1. practical contact with and observation of facts or events. "he had already learned his lesson by painful experience" synonyms:       involvement in, participation in, contact with, acquaintance with, exposure to, observation of, awareness of, insight into
"his first experience of business"  

Verb 1. encounter or undergo (an event or occurrence). "the company is experiencing difficulties"synonyms: undergo, encounter, meet, come into contact with, come across, come up against, face, be faced with"some policemen experience harassment"

As you can read, “experience” is the appropriate word to preface bullying in my sentence. However, I still prefer to use a synonym for experience such as: exposed, faced with, came in contact with, witnessed, encountered or fell victim to… I’m weird or interesting like that. Ha! Words carry a lot of weight for me, so there are several words that aren’t necessarily deemed negative to others, but, to me, the usage of certain words evokes feelings and depending on the strength of the feelings, I choose to use them or omit them accordingly.

Ok, now, that you’ve explained, yet, another, quirk, can you stay on topic?

Ooo-key, do-key. Upon seeing the title of the article, I was immediately intrigued and followed up my read with son, later in the day , by asking him about his thoughts on the article. Yes, I waited. I might be involved, but I'm also self aware and know when and what to bring up. I waited for dinner time. Another must in our family. My husband and I make great efforts at ensuring we have dinner together regularly. Along with books, meals spark conversation. Books and food provide a distraction and creates a relaxed and comforting feeling, so naturally, we are more candid. Good food and good company eases conversation- humorous and serious. He’ll thank me for this, one day. At least, I hope, he will find my parenting beneficial to his future. If not, I’m definitely not doing a good job.

Lucky, you, I decided to share my thoughts with you, too! Ha!

 I’m extremely passionate about this topic. In fact, I decided to read the book, Wonder by R.J. Palacio to my son this summer. Yes, of course, I still read to him. I’m a believer that you are NEVER too old to be read to. In fact, it's romantic to read with a significant other. But, this is a different post, so I won't go there. He he he 

The magic of the written word is enhanced when shared aloud. Plus, fluency, vocabulary, and comprehension greatly improve when a parent/teacher/mentor/friend/peer/sibling reads with a child. Shared reading opens up dialogue, vocabulary can be explained, and, of course, fluency and expression are enhanced by listening to others read. Especially, if the other reader is a person with more life and educational experiences. Most of the important issues that need to be discussed with my son are introduced with a book. Books create the ideal segue to discuss and inquire candidly, without shame or hesitation about some of the most difficult and serious issues. It helps the child/person feel understood and not alone. If a book is written about a topic or issue, it makes the reader feel heard and not alone in their struggle or need for understanding of a particular issue.

Back to the topic, Karina…

Yes. Right. Back to the point of my post. Still working on staying on topic.

Ok. Yes, the article. Well, as I read the article, I was pleased that my son’s teacher shared the article with her 6^th grade class at the start of the school year. The start of the school year is the perfect time to discuss the issue of bullying. Especially, this generation. A generation faced with too many outlets of potential exposure to bullying. In addition to the potential for bullying from exposure to people who feel more confident to make demeaning and hurtful commentary behind a screen, 6^th graders are in the most difficult stage of their lives. As a newbie to social media, I am quickly learning this, too. But, the positives outweigh the negative, so I will remain on Twitter.

Yes. You read correctly. I know, you, like me, have heard time and time again that adolescence is the most difficult time in development for parent and child. However, I disagree.

What?! You disagree?! Lady. How can you disagree when you don’t have an adolescent?

Easy. I was one. Eons ago, but I have gone through all the life stages. Ok, ok,  maybe not all the stages since I’m only in middle adulthood, but I have experienced childhood, pre-adolescence, adolescence, and early adulthood well enough to know which stage was the most difficult. Plus, I have studied and worked with all age groups in a clinical, educational, research, and personal level. No. My conclusion is not based on a specific study. However, it does involve scientific research because I’m continually reading about development and can make my own inferences based on what and who has been researched.

While, yes, adolescence, and all the other phases in life are challenging. Everything in life has positives and negatives. We all understand this part of life. However, I often find myself chatting up a storm with my sister and mom friends about how much I feel the most challenging phase of development is between the ages of 10-12. While, I still consider this age childhood and really I wish our society would, too. I know. I know I have strong opinions about many issues. And, this could really be an entire book based on my thinking and research, but for now, I will remain on topic. 

Oooookkkk, lady… Get on with your post… Will ya?

Ha! Problem Child humor. One of my favorites as a school age girl. The actual line is: “Well, hurry the hell up, will ya? I ain’t getting any younger.”, but this is the closest I found in my google search.

Yes, back to the point of my post.

Why do I feel 10-12 year-olds are in the most difficult phase of their lives?

This is the age, I think, they face the most disparity in mind and body changes. While adolescence is a transition from a confusing phase in which they are rushed much too early into adulthood. So, too, are the ages from 10-12. However, as adolescents, the transition from childhood to adolescence has already occurred, so the shock is lesser for them than the 10-12 year age cohort.

Witnessing these changes, first hand, as a mom to an 11 year-old and aunt to several in the same age group, along with my previous professional experience, I conclude this, 10-12,  as the time when most long-term thoughts, feelings, and behaviors are established. As children transition into the middle-school years, there is pressure to fit in. This is when children with older siblings learn about clicks and societal/cultural expectations. What is cool? What isn’t? In fact, I believe the new term for cool is “sick”. The first time I heard, “That is sick…!” I thought "sick" meant, ill, not feeling well. But, I was quickly brought into the hip lingo of 2016. It means cool or rad for those that lived their adolescence in the 90’s and 80’s.

Ha! When living the childhood/adolescent phase, we never think we will forget how to act cool/rad, but I guess becoming a parent means being the opposite of cool/rad or now, “sick”. As an aside, I don’t like that word as a synonym for cool. It doesn’t make sense to me. But, I guess my generation’s style/language at the time didn’t make sense to our parent’s generation, either. It is part of the rite passage into the world of “no longer a child, but I still want and need to be a child".

Enough with the jokes and humor, Karina...

Although, we all know humor is a way to deal with and discuss difficult issues, I will return to the difficult issue of bullying minus the humor. 

Bullying in the 10-12 year-old age group. 

Often, and sadly, children at this stage are feeling conflicted with their mind and body changes. They want to remain children, but at the same time, peers, society, media, and other sources are telling them to grow up. I wish they didn’t receive these messages at such a young age because this is the time when they are trying to figure out what they really like and who they are, but forced into an almost adult role confuses them. They feel rushed to make decisions about their futures.

Hence, my reasoning for reading Wonder with my son this summer. In addition to moving to a new house, new community, new school district, he also began sixth grade. Fortunately, this school district understands child development and middle school begins in 7^th grade, not 6^th grade like most districts follow. All these changes can bring about a myriad of feelings, thoughts, and emotions which is why my focus during our move was on my son’s thoughts, feelings, and emotions. Everything else, the unpacking, and organizing can be taken slowly because there is no benefit in having an impeccably organized home soon after a move if the emotions, feelings, and thoughts, primarily, those of an 11 year old are not placed as primary focus.

What does this have to do with bullying?

Bullying behaviors are a result of anger, unhappiness, and low self-esteem. A confident, secure, happy child is unlikely to engage in bullying behaviors or seek approval. Hence, they are not likely to go along with the crowd if there is bullying taking place. And, most importantly, confidence and self-esteem is needed for all children because if a child is confident , the response to bullying behaviors will be positive. A child who is confident and secure will step up and not go along with teasing and have a plan if bullying is taking place. We all play a role in ending bullying. As parents, we need to remind our children that bullying is NEVER acceptable. Along with teaching it's not acceptable, we should guide them and give them a plan, just like we give them a plan in case of an emergency (fire, earthquake, etc.) 

As I've mentioned in previous posts, my goal is to raise a happy, healthy, and kind person. While those three adjectives describe my son, I must continue to nurture them, especially, right now, at this age and with a major change like a move. I am beyond happy to see him adjusting so well to the move. He has formed new friendships and is greatly enjoying his time in school. Of course, like most children, he would prefer to be on long term summer vacation, but focusing on his thoughts and feelings related to our move have greatly aided in his continual happy, healthy, and kind outlook on life. I'd be happy to detail how I achieved a smooth transition, but it would require several blog posts. If I can think of  a way to condense what I did to plan for a smooth transition, I promise to post. If not, maybe it will go on my list of book ideas. I can tell you this, it's not easy, but like anything worth while, it took dedication, planning, and doing what I know is best instead of what is expected.

You are over thinking, lady.

I may sound extreme, but the more I spend time with my son, his peers and nephews in this age group, the more I feel saddened by the rush to get them to the next phase in life. There is a reason why the statement, “They have the rest of their lives to be adults” is a cliché. It’s true! Cliches are cliches because there is truth to them. Childhood and its intended innocence is being rushed much too quickly. Maybe it has always been this way and I’m only noticing it now because so many of the people I love are going through this life changing transitional phase, but I don’t think so.

The numerous sources of media, influences, and messages at their disposal are forcing this generation to mature much too quickly which brings me to the reason for this post. Along with feeling pressure to mature at a rapid rate, they are feeling and observing the messages telling them to be “sick”. Remember, that’s their saying for hip/cool/rad. Of course, we all went through a society and culture where image and being hip/cool/rad/sick was sold to us, too. But, with this age group, embedding and reminding to always choose kindness is most important right now, the start of their 5^th-6^th grade transitions. I term this generation, the phone/media/all access generation because they are exposed to technology and media on a constant. I was against smart phones for a long time because of the freedom it takes away. Having a smart phone gives others the expectation that you are available all the time. No longer can children and adolescents have time to fully disconnect from their everyday stressors. Phones, modern video game consoles, and social media make it difficult to be “unavailable”.

While there are many positives to technology and social media, the message to fit in begins much younger for this generation. While they are trying to figure out their mind and body changes, they are also being bombarded with messages to fit in with what is “sick”. If they are exposed to certain messages (some not so kind or positive) from people they admire, unkindness, and bullying can result. Their minds are still developing, deciphering between appropriate and not appropriate behaviors and reactions when faced or confronted with differences.

As a mother to a child in this age group, there are still many instances when I am needing to explain differences in views, ideas, cultures, societies, families, etc. If a child doesn’t have an understanding or exposure to differences, the natural reaction is to feel uncomfortable. What do many of us do when uncomfortable? We feel fear which leads to reacting with fear (laughter, miscommunication, anger). If one child laughs or feels uncomfortable when encountering another student/s with differences, the reaction might be negative. However, by providing our children with a foundation of the possibilities for differences in appearance (hormones begin to play a role in physical changes and differences in start of puberty), thinking, and abilities, they can feel prepared and ward of reactions or following reactions of others resulting from uncomfortable and/or fearful feelings. It is also a great opportunity to explain that having uncomfortable and fearful thoughts and feelings to what is different form their family is a normal reaction. However, how we behave and react must be kind. Unless, of course, the other person is doing or saying something that can hurt them or someone else.

As a parent, this is the stage of development I was fearing. Not the toddler or teenage years, this age. The age that I think has a great impact on future thoughts, feeling and actions. Of course, the early years, first five, and really all years are important. But, this age, 10-12, has the potential to shape a person’s thoughts, feelings, and actions with greater depth. I can’t recommend the book Wonder enough to spark dialogue on the issue of bullying. I can go on and on at book length on this topic, but I’ll spare you… Unless you are being hurt or someone else is being hurt, always choose kindness. Acts of kindness leave me with the same feeling a six plus mile evokes. Like running, kindness is good for the mind and body.

I think this is a good message to start the school year.

If we all followed this motto, life would be more like a day at Disneyland instead of driving (idling) in LA traffic. 

"Why Can’t We Fully Enjoy Our Run? It's Our Me-Only-Time."

Initially, I meant to simply tweet about one of the annoyances runners, primarily, female runners are forced to endure. However, as I tried to tweet within the limited characters, I quickly realized that a blog post would be a better platform for this annoying encounter. The annoying encounter I speak of occurred on my way back home after having a lovely, endorphin filled run.

As I’ve mentioned in previous tweets and blog posts, I recently moved into a new city. A city that is mostly runner/cyclist/walker friendly. I couldn’t believe the first time I crossed a main street and was given the right of way, along with a wave and believe it or not, a, wait for it… smile. What?! Uh-huh, you read correctly- a s-m-ile. Am I in Mayberry or an episode of Leave It to Beaver? I'm expecting to hear, "Augh, gee Wally, ..."Am I running in my sleep? I must, because, I was not at all accustomed to such polite and kind behavior from drivers in my previous neighborhood. Fortunately, for me, and all the many runners I have seen while running, walking and exploring my new city, I was NOT dreaming or running in my sleep. Indeed, I’m in runner/cyclist mecca. Running and cycling paths galore?! What?! I can totally get used to this world.

When deciding on neighborhood, we initially focused on schools, only. Our reasoning for moving were the schools, after all, great schools were way up high on our list of importance. Thankfully, we were outbid on several of the homes in our first neighborhood choice because that neighborhood did not have the glorious running paths that this neighborhood possesses. After losing out on several homes, we then looked in our new neighborhood. This was the home and neighborhood that had been waiting for us and it is still the same school district. Win-win, right? I agree. It met all our needs and much, much more than we imagined. 

But, there is no such thing as perfection. I quickly learned this while on my run…

What happened?!

Well, what else? What could possibly spoil a female runner’s run? If you guessed rude and disrespectful commentary, you are correct, my friend. Yep. My blissful run was interrupted by a disrespectful driver thinking in his delusional mind that I would enjoy listening to his crude commentary on his observation of my appearance. Unfortunately, this is a problem female runners have endured whether they are pounding the trails and pavement or walking around in their everyday lives.

It's saddening and discouraging that, today, August 12, 2016, we are still forced to endure such degrading, disrespectful, crude commentary and behavior. Why do I say forced to endure? I’m 100% sure that there is no woman in this world that appreciates disrespect, especially, from a self-hating and unkind male stranger. However, unless, we are willing to risk further negative interaction, we endure uncomfortable feelings whether we respond or ignore. In my younger years, I definitely responded with strong commentary hoping to evoke uncomfortable feelings in the men who hate and disrespect themselves so much that they feel a need to make me and other women get a slice of their misery. I continue to reference males because the crude and disrespectful commentary towards me has only been inflicted by men.

While I still want to respond, I don’t. Why? Because, I simply want to get away from that space as quickly as possible. Typically, when encountered with conflict while out and about, my response is usually, "I'm sorry you are so unhappy." However, when the negative interactions occur between men while on a run, not responding seems to be the safest and best approach.

Of course, this never happens when I’m with my husband, but I can’t have him at my side at all times and he’s not a runner. Hire a bodyguard? Ha! That is totally something I would do if I had the extra cash. Ha! Ha! Ha! I’m not joking. Sometimes, I do wish I could hire my brother to run with me. The perfect running partner-super fast and hilarious! Pretty ridiculous, right!? I agree. But, sometimes, it seems that’s the only way, women can fully enjoy all their runs on streets. While I enjoy running on hiking trails, my love for running belongs to the streets. 

As a writer, running on streets provides inspiration-along with human/non-human interactions, the sight, smells, feelings, and taste of the city are everywhere. Additionally, the positive interactions I have experienced and witnessed while running the streets far outweigh the negative. I have stopped to write down ideas several times since I started writing the first book I plan to publish because thoughts overflow. It's probably not ideal for my pacing and time, but waiting until I return home is not an option. Thoughts and ideas loose rawness and vibrancy if I wait too long. As a result, I have added "quick phone writer" to my basket of skills. Ha! I refuse to stop running the streets  because men who hate themselves feel a need to share their disdain and misery for themselves and life with me and other female runners. Fortunately, my new neighborhood’s runner-friendly-running-paths limit the time I spend on main streets.

Until I come up with a better alternative, I will continue to run with my pepper spray, phone, and vigilance because I refuse to give these men the power to ruin my love of street running. I know that 98% of my running experiences and interactions with males on the streets are positive, so I refuse to allow the other 2% to take away my love of running in the beauty of the California sunshine. Additionally, any commentary or response I give them would only inflate their need to hate because, after all, a major reasoning for their commentary stems from a strong need for attention (positive or negative), self-hate, and general unhappiness. Sadly, in addition to desperately craving love and attention, what they need is education and therapy. Perhaps, if they ran, the endorphin release and mental clarity would be a great start to changing their mindset and outlook on life?

Have you experienced uncomfortable interactions while on runs? If so, how did you handle it/them? Have you ever responded to unwelcome male commentary? If so, what was the outcome? Female runners, how do you handle unwelcome commentary/interactions with males on your runs? Male runners, have you ever experienced the same behaviors/commentary from women or other males? If so, how did you handle it/them?

Inspired by you, and you, and you, and you…

Maybe it’s my thinking or maybe I’m onto something, or maybe it’s something that other people also think and feel, but somehow, I feel that I’m unique. Ha! Let me think the latter. Who doesn’t like to feel unique, right?!

What am I feeling unique about?

The fact that when needing guidance or an answer, somehow I choose to watch a movie, read a book, and since joining Twitter in January of this year, articles or tweets cross my feed when I need them most. On Friday night, I, finally, watched, Joy, the movie I rented on Monday. Between all the activities and moving the last few days, I was exhausted by 8 p.m. most days and fell asleep before I had an opportunity to start the movie. Typically, I would have returned the movie without viewing it by the second day, but I had been wanting to watch Joy since it was released in theaters (last winter) and I had already gone several days of tacking on the rental fee, so now, I felt like I might as well keep raising my tab until I got around to watching it.

Fortunately, my lovely husband, who wasn’t so hot on the idea of watching a Jennifer Lawrence drama, initially, suggested we watch the movie together. See, why I love the man. Not only is he hilarious, brilliant, and a fantastic father, in addition, he is always making sacrifices for my joy. Ha! Honestly, no pun intended, but it is pretty funny, no?! So, I agreed to watch it together. I had forgotten that Robert De Niro was cast in the film, so I knew Mr. De Niro would keep him interested for longer than a few minutes, we are both fans of his acting. I don’t know why some people dislike Jennifer Lawrence’s acting, I think she’s great! 

Initially, I planned to watch the movie with my sister in theaters, but if you are a mother/parent/caretaker/teacher and/or work with children in any capacity, you know that it gets tough to make it to a movie with significant others or friends during the holiday season. In addition, I was training for my-first-ever-marathon, and if you’ve trained for one of those, you know that lessens any free time. So, finally, Monday, while grocery shopping, I decided I was going to treat myself to a solo movie night with ice cream, of course! You know, from my intro why that didn’t happen. Oh my! I-am-my-mother! She does this, she repeats herself, often in conversation, and I just did the same. Oh-no!!!

This movie was waiting to be viewed by me, now, today, Friday, July 27, 2016.

As I mentioned at the intro of my post, I feel that books, movies, and as recent as January 2016, articles and tweets on Twitter seem to reach me when I need them most. I was hesitant to join social media, but I’m happy that I made the decision to join six months ago because I have “met” many, many wonderful people who inspire me to continue pushing myself with my passions, primarily, writing and running. Thank you, thank you, thank you all you lovely people. Keep posting inspiring tweets!

Please, lady, get to the point of this post, will ya!

As I began to watch Joy, I knew this was one of those movies. The ones that dig deep. Without giving away the message of the movie or the plot, I must say that Ms. Joy inspired me. She reminded me that I had set goals and sitting around waiting for the right moment to get back to them was not going to work. I needed to get back to work, even if I had many, many other obstacles and factors needing attention. I had to make room and time for my goals, too.

Bloggers, keep writing, you never know who and when you are inspiring…

Along with the movie, I had been wanting to read posts from some of my favorite bloggers, but like I already mentioned, busy week, meant little time to read blogs. Well, I’m glad that I made the time to read the most recent post by Paria Hassouri from Mom On the Run Sanity( momontherunsanity.com) because her message was the icing on the cake. I needed to read her post at that particular moment because I was neglecting my running and writing in order to ensure that my son transitioned well to our move. I realized that giving myself a few hours to run and write during the transition was good for our entire family, so I resumed running on Saturday morning, bright and early. It felt euphoric! Both my husband and son had been encouraging me to continue running, but somehow, like Paria’s post, and I’m sure so many other parents, I felt guilt about taking time for my writing and running during our move.

While I wanted to run as my training plan indicated, I, initially, paused because I hurt my leg while on a trail run. The leg was OK after two days, but, then, I made excuses (poor air quality, need to pack, need to paint, need to ….). I was making excuses because I felt guilt about taking time to run instead of doing everything on my to-do-list. I know better. I know that running is extremely important to mind and body health. However, this is an example of how much our culture has ingrained guilt into motherhood. Paria is right, not every meal has to be gourmet. Sometimes, PB & J is great if it means fitting in a run or whatever activity brings parents joy and stress relief. My husband has been telling me for years, “… not every meal has to be gourmet…” Like Paria, he is, of course, correct, but there is more meaning to my reasoning for wanting “the perfect meal” at every meal. I will have to share that in a different post.

Working from home is definitely the best match for my parenting style, however, along with positives, there is a downside, especially during summer vacation. I often leave my writing for late, late or early, early. With either, I’m either too tired to wake up early and run and if I write early, then, I don’t have time to run before the LA heat/crazy traffic times that have caused me to have several close calls from drivers who value their time more than runner/pedestrian safety. 

One, in particular, was within inches of hitting me which took away from my experience for a few weeks. I experienced a bit of anxiety anytime I went near the location of that close encounter. But, I forced myself to continue running and little by little I was less anxious. Fortunately, I no longer have to run past that intersection or see that driver. A driver who instead of stopping to see if I was OK, yelled at me and sped off soon after yelling at me.

I’m now living in a community and neighborhood where I no longer need to worry about traffic and “reckless drivers” placing their time as more important than safety. Now, that we are officially, moved in, I can continue putting the oxygen mask on first. I’m beyond elated to report that with planning and dedication, so far, so good! The transition has been as lovely as my new running paths. 

My son l-o-v-es our new home and neighborhood! 

His only concern is being “the new kid “at a new school. A very normal feeling. Starting a new grade or school evokes anxiety in most children. In fact, every stage of development (middle school, high school, college, marriage, children, divorce, death, etc., etc.) brings on changes and new beginnings that evoke anxiety. However, after the anxiety subsides, there is relief and growth. 

But, I’m not worried because he has excellent social skills and is a social butterfly, so, I know he will make friends quickly. Plus, we committed to having him remain in contact with his old school/neighborhood friends.

I c-a-n-not believe how quickly summer has flown by this year… My son will be starting 6^th grade in less than two weeks?!?! While I love, love, love spending summer going on fun outings with him and family, his return to school, also signals, a return to my normal writing and running hours. I have several races planned in fall, but as soon as the school year begins, I know I will quickly catch up to my writing and running goals without guilt. Have you ever felt guilt about the time running takes up in your life? If so, how did you overcome guilt? 

Why my son won’t ever hear me utter: I need to lose weight, I need to go on a diet, I look fat, etc.

Yes. Long title, huh? I’ll try to shorten it, but for now, on to my newest though of the week. Lately, maybe because its summer, I have been hearing the word “fat” tossed around like lettuce in a salad. Pretty bad, I know. Since the topic popped up, as an aside, my blog is much less formal than my professional writing, but in keeping with the idea of a blog, I’d like to keep it to an informal conversation with you. So, I’m speaking to you as if we were face to face.

Why do I say my son won’t ever hear me utter words related to weight?

Since before his birth, as soon as I had the thought that I wanted to be a mother, I knew, I was going to parent to the best of my abilities (that sounded a bit like marriage vows, huh?). When we take the vows of marriage, we are asked to promise to: love, honor, cherish, etc., etc.,…for as long as we both shall live. We need a license, too. However, for parenting, there is none of that. Going into this region entails discussing political issues which I know are a HUGE no-no in any circle, so I won’t even take a peak in there…

While there is no official certificate or license needed to become a parent, I made an internal commitment, my internal “certificate”. I was going to make parenting a happy, healthy, and most importantly, kind-hearted person my goal. With my prior knowledge in child development, psychology, and education, I was going to put in my best efforts at ensuring that he was not bombarded with negative messages like the rest of us. It might sound like I was aiming for a bubble child, which initially, yes, I will admit, I was going to the extreme. But, I’m highly self-aware, and as soon as I was headed in the direction of “chopper parent”, I pulled back, reflected, and made adjustments to ensure that I was parenting in a healthy manner. 

So far, so good, my little guy, not really little, but I think in my eyes he will always be my little guy. I now understand how parents reference their children as babies even as they enter adulthood. We have an adoration for the little person we created that it becomes impossible to imagine that one day, they, like us, will no longer be alive. By referring to them as “my baby” “my little guy” my little fill in the blank, we are subconsciously denying or not willing to accept their mortality. And, I digressed from my topic…, again! I apologize. In blogging, I realize, I must do this in face to face conversations. Whoops! How annoying, right?! Good thing blogging allowed me to view this annoying trait.

Yes, back to the topic at hand. So far, I feel that the countering of all or most of the messages that dent and jab at a person’s self-esteem, confidence, and outlook on life has been beneficial to my son’s development. No, he is not a perfect specimen. No, I did not create the ideal child. No, I did not raise a text book child. But, the goal of ensuring that he is happy, healthy, and kind are most definitely flourishing by always keeping to my internal commitment. It’s definitely not easy to counter all the messages from the powerhouses of our world, but my personality is a good match for them, for sure! Ask my family and close friends. When I commit, I don’t give up until I reach my goal.

How do I counter the power houses?

Consistency. Consistency is not easy. As a parent, runner, and writer, I know that to be incredibly true. There are days when I just wish I could skip out on parenting because my style of parenting is not easy. Like marathon training and writing my first book, it is hard work. It is fun, for sure, but before the fun can truly be appreciated, it is a steep, steep hill.

Alright, lady, enough about steep hill analogies, how did you do it?

Like I said, consistency. As a woman, primarily a woman living in Los Angeles, the messages to maintain the beauty standard of our current society are like flyers on a windshield. Whether or not you place yourself in the image capital of the world, the messages reach you. The messages are everywhere. Literally, e-v-e-r-y-where! Come to think of it, I think I’m going to have to make this a sequel post. Sorry my lovely readers who prefer shorter posts, but as I write, I realize there is a lot of content that needs to be discussed.

Books

We shall begin with my favorite material item in the world-books. I have been reading to my son since he was in utero. Along with that, I made books, reading, book stores, and libraries a need and want. I promise to detail how I achieved this in a different post. One of my favorite shared activities with my son is reading to him. I still do. However, now, that he is on the cusp of adolescence, picture books are not his thing. Still mine, but not his. However, picture books were the pot of gold back when he was “younger”. Ha! I laugh when I hear children refer to themselves as “when I was younger”. I’m sure we did the same, so I just find it endearing and adorable when I hear them use this phrase.

The larger my son’s home library grew and the more we visited bookstores and libraries, the more I realized that I needed to edit some of the language and illustrations. Before becoming a parent, I read all picture books to nieces and nephews verbatim, cover to cover with my animated voice and exaggerated acting. However, as a parent, I was on the driver seat, I was shaping my son’s mind. I was responsible for his interpretation of the messages in the books and I didn’t agree with all of them. Sure, they all had a nice overarching message, but embedded in the book were messages that he would pick up as acceptable if I didn’t embellish and or omit content and information. It sounds exhausting, right? It wasn’t. The book part of my attempts at countering jabs and dents at self-esteem, confidence and body image was the “easy run” of my plan. To be continued…

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I’m Naming Myself… “The Bleacher Learning Fairy”

As many of you know, my son plays on a "travel" baseball team. If you aren't certain or are clueless about youth "travel" baseball, you're in luck because I will be writing a blog post about what "travel" baseball is and isn't'. A debunking of the myths and awareness of the realities-positive and not so positive. I hope this future post will help parents unsure or on the fence on this type of extra-curricular activity/sport. I prefer to make my post detailed for parents who (like me, a few years ago) aren’t sure about allowing their child to participate in “travel” play, so, I will post as soon as I feel the content will be helpful.

However, for this post, I'm focusing on one of the joys of being a part of a "travel" baseball family. As you've learned from previous posts and tweets on Twitter, I LOVE to spread love and kindness as much as I can, and it's no different with my son's baseball team. I truly enjoy watching these kind, lovely, talented, and well-rounded group of almost-adolescents play and develop through a sport that I, too, LOVE! Many of them have already turned 12- signaling their last "official" year of childhood, but, I prefer to think that until the last boy celebrates his 12^th birthday, they are still 11, like their 11U category. I can’t pause time, but I can use language to make it seem like I have that special power. Fortunately, my son won’t be turning 12 until the fall.

Part of being a member of a "travel" baseball family entails forming friendships and relationships with the other families. Often, we spend more time with this "family" than our biological families. With that, comes very similar dynamics. Regardless of what group one enters (school, career, sports team, dance, music, etc.), we eventually reenact our role in the same manner as our biological family role. If you read my posts and tweets, you know that I'm a nurturer and enjoy taking on a maternal role. Hence, it's not a surprise that I do the same in all my groups to a degree. Primarily, groups involving my son.

I'm one my son's travel team's biggest supporters. I’ve been fortunate to have been able to attend all of his games. I don’t have the cheerleader voice, but, I make up for it by clapping away, tapping at my leg from time to time in annoyance when there are human errors in the part of the umpires. O-k... it's more like a hard tap, but that's the extent of my annoyance, and a small-tiny grumble from time to time.  I'm not perfect, I'm human. 

Additionally, I always have positive commentary for my son and his teammates. At times, I'm sure they wish I wouldn't say anything. Especially, the rough games, but, it's who I am and I can't help but have praise and positive words for children. However, I can see when it’s best to not say anything and I don’t. Children don't always want praise. Sometimes, they want and should feel negative emotions and time to reflect on their own.

I'm sidetracking, again. I apologize, I'm still learning the ropes of the blogging world… More about this in future posts. Back to the reasoning for this post. This post is related to the role I embrace on my son's team while sitting on the bleachers or my beach chair. While my son is an only child, some of his teammates have younger siblings. Since I was a child, I have been a magnet for children. Ha! It's probably my inner child peeking out to say hello and children, immediately, spot it. As professional as I can be, I am also a goofy-happy-go-lucky person and naturally children appreciate an adult that can be both an adult and child.

Well, one of the siblings, an incredibly talented, hilarious, and deep thinker often sits next to me. I love chatting up a storm with her because her thinking is incredibly deep, mature, and positive. So, this past weekend as we watched my son and her brother battle it out for first place in Pony Baseball Sectionals, a great idea sparked from our conversations during our time on the bleachers cheering for her “rock star” (how she refers to her brother on the field) and my favorite-baseball-player-of-all-time. We do “whoops” (she cheers, I clap) while we raise the roof each time they have an at-bat! Ha! She is fun!

The commentary and messages within our conversations have a depth that is often experienced in a social sciences college classroom. As a 7-year-old, her thinking is only going to continue to flourish which I continually praise and scaffold. Her mom and I laugh a lot when we hear her commentary. Like I explained to her when she asked why I laugh at her commentary, "I laugh because you are funny, a great thinker and sometimes I laugh when I'm amazed”. She lit up when she heard me describe her as funny and a great thinker. As a girl resembling a Disney character princess, she is probably used to being described and praised for her physical appearance, first. Since the first day I met her, I praised her mind qualities because I try not to focus on physical attractiveness, especially with girls. I don’t want the focus to be on appearance. They will forever be bombarded with messages telling them that’s what they should value and strive for most. So, I will do my part in countering that terrible message as often as I can. My son has definitely benefited from my continual countering of messages trying to dent confidence and self-esteem. More on that in a different post.

You’re side-tracking, again, lady…

Yes, yes, I am. I do apologize, I tend to do that when I feel passionate about a subject. This story, Karina! Ok, where was I? Yes, now I remember, I had a light-bulb (Ding! Ding! Ding!)idea as we discussed the world’s greatest problems. Since I’m a writer and she shares many interests with my son and me, I asked if she wanted to write a book. I have previously mentioned to her, “…We need to write a book together…”But, this weekend, I decided to actually start the book. She loved the idea and embraced it. “I like coming to the baseball games now… You want to know why?” she asked with her sweet voice. “Why?” I asked. “Be-cause I get to see you.” Yes, my heart melted.

How Will We Go About Our Book?

Summer is my son’s favorite season. Not only because he is on summer vacation, but, mostly because he is able to play baseball several times a week with his baseball friends. They practice a couple days per week and play in several weekend long tournaments. Currently, they are participating in the Pony League All-Stars which entails weekly tournament play. Last weekend, they played for the Pony Sectionals Title (a giant banner that hangs in their home fields). After an incredibly anxiety provoking game, they placed second when a talented hitter on the opposing team hit a walk-off home run. 

Stop sidetracking, Karina! Sorry… back to the book idea.

Yes, the book idea was started as we watched this last exciting game. I guess I can multi-task, after all. Ha! Look at that, I just had that realization. I try to remain mindful during most of my activities, but at times, I guess it can be acceptable to focus on two activities simultaneously and enjoy both.

Each time she attends a game, we will add content to her designated chapter titles. After each section is complete, she will be adding illustrations. By the time her brother and my son reach Cooperstown (next summer), she will have a book of her 7 year-old thought about our society and world. I saw an interest in the spoken and written word, so what better way to nurture that fascination and wonderment about life than writing it down. This could possibly lead her to bigger ideas and books.

She’s a teacher and runner, too!

If you are around children, often, you know that in teaching them, we are learning, too. With this particular 7 year-old, this concept is most definitely applicable. Not only is she hilarious and bright, she is also a runner and dancer. Yes, a runner! She enjoys discussing hydration, gear, speed, mileage, etc. While I’m teaching her about writing and running, she's teaching me about the ballet world. I took a ballet 101 class a few years ago and learned the basics, but after not practicing the terminology and poses, I definitely need a refresher course. However, Ms.-seven-year-old-smarty-party is giving me ballet lessons and homework. I’ve been practicing my pirouettes and need to show her progress this weekend. It’s fun! Not only am I teaching and learning, but I’m also getting an opportunity to experience what having a little girl is like since I only have experience mothering a boy. It’s a win-win. I'm off to learn more about our world...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LLTM_KP0Dsg