Yes.
Long title, huh? I’ll try to shorten it, but for now, on to my newest though of
the week. Lately, maybe because its summer, I have been hearing the word “fat”
tossed around like lettuce in a salad. Pretty bad, I know. Since the topic popped
up, as an aside, my blog is much less formal than my professional writing, but
in keeping with the idea of a blog, I’d like to keep it to an informal
conversation with you. So, I’m speaking to you as if we were face to face.
Why do I say my son
won’t ever hear me utter words related to weight?
Since
before his birth, as soon as I had the thought that I wanted to be a mother, I
knew, I was going to parent to the best of my abilities (that sounded a bit
like marriage vows, huh?). When we take the vows of marriage, we are asked to
promise to: love, honor, cherish, etc., etc.,…for as long as we both shall live.
We need a license, too. However, for parenting, there is none of that. Going
into this region entails discussing political issues which I know are a HUGE
no-no in any circle, so I won’t even take a peak in there…
While
there is no official certificate or license needed to become a parent, I made
an internal commitment, my internal “certificate”. I was going to make parenting
a happy, healthy, and most importantly, kind-hearted person my goal. With my
prior knowledge in child development, psychology, and education, I was going to
put in my best efforts at ensuring that he was not bombarded with negative
messages like the rest of us. It might sound like I was aiming for a bubble
child, which initially, yes, I will admit, I was going to the extreme. But, I’m
highly self-aware, and as soon as I was headed in the direction of “chopper
parent”, I pulled back, reflected, and made adjustments to ensure that I was parenting
in a healthy manner.
So far, so good, my little guy, not really little, but I
think in my eyes he will always be my little guy. I now understand how parents reference
their children as babies even as they enter adulthood. We have an adoration for
the little person we created that it becomes impossible to imagine that one day,
they, like us, will no longer be alive. By referring to them as “my baby” “my
little guy” my little fill in the blank, we are subconsciously denying or not
willing to accept their mortality. And, I digressed from my topic…, again! I
apologize. In blogging, I realize, I must do this in face to face
conversations. Whoops! How annoying, right?! Good thing blogging allowed me to
view this annoying trait.
Yes,
back to the topic at hand. So far, I feel that the countering of all or most of
the messages that dent and jab at a person’s self-esteem, confidence, and
outlook on life has been beneficial to my son’s development. No, he is not a
perfect specimen. No, I did not create the ideal child. No, I did not raise a
text book child. But, the goal of ensuring that he is happy, healthy, and kind
are most definitely flourishing by always keeping to my internal commitment.
It’s definitely not easy to counter all the messages from the powerhouses of
our world, but my personality is a good match for them, for sure! Ask my family
and close friends. When I commit, I don’t give up until I reach my goal.
How do I counter the
power houses?
Consistency.
Consistency is not easy. As a parent, runner, and writer, I know that to be
incredibly true. There are days when I just wish I could skip out on parenting
because my style of parenting is not easy. Like marathon training and writing
my first book, it is hard work. It is
fun, for sure, but before the fun can truly be appreciated, it is a steep,
steep hill.
Alright, lady, enough
about steep hill analogies, how did you do it?
Like
I said, consistency. As a woman, primarily a woman living in Los Angeles, the
messages to maintain the beauty standard of our current society are like flyers
on a windshield. Whether or not you place
yourself in the image capital of the world, the messages reach you. The
messages are everywhere. Literally, e-v-e-r-y-where!
Come to think of it, I think I’m going to have to make this a sequel post.
Sorry my lovely readers who prefer shorter posts, but as I write, I realize
there is a lot of content that needs to be discussed.
Books
We
shall begin with my favorite material item in the world-books. I have been
reading to my son since he was in utero. Along with that, I made books, reading,
book stores, and libraries a need and want. I promise to detail how I achieved
this in a different post. One of my favorite shared activities with my son is
reading to him. I still do. However, now, that he is on the cusp of adolescence,
picture books are not his thing. Still mine, but not his. However, picture
books were the pot of gold back when he was “younger”. Ha! I laugh when I hear children
refer to themselves as “when I was younger”. I’m sure we did the same, so I
just find it endearing and adorable when I hear them use this phrase.
The
larger my son’s home library grew and the more we visited bookstores and libraries,
the more I realized that I needed to edit some of the language and
illustrations. Before becoming a parent, I read all picture books to nieces and
nephews verbatim, cover to cover with my animated voice and exaggerated acting.
However, as a parent, I was on the driver seat, I was shaping my son’s mind. I
was responsible for his interpretation of the messages in the books and I
didn’t agree with all of them. Sure, they all had a nice overarching message,
but embedded in the book were messages that he would pick up as acceptable if I
didn’t embellish and or omit content and information. It sounds exhausting,
right? It wasn’t. The book part of my attempts at countering jabs and dents at
self-esteem, confidence and body image was the “easy run” of my plan. To be
continued…
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