Inspired by you, and you, and you, and you…

Maybe it’s my thinking or maybe I’m onto something, or maybe it’s something that other people also think and feel, but somehow, I feel that I’m unique. Ha! Let me think the latter. Who doesn’t like to feel unique, right?!

What am I feeling unique about?

The fact that when needing guidance or an answer, somehow I choose to watch a movie, read a book, and since joining Twitter in January of this year, articles or tweets cross my feed when I need them most. On Friday night, I, finally, watched, Joy, the movie I rented on Monday. Between all the activities and moving the last few days, I was exhausted by 8 p.m. most days and fell asleep before I had an opportunity to start the movie. Typically, I would have returned the movie without viewing it by the second day, but I had been wanting to watch Joy since it was released in theaters (last winter) and I had already gone several days of tacking on the rental fee, so now, I felt like I might as well keep raising my tab until I got around to watching it.

Fortunately, my lovely husband, who wasn’t so hot on the idea of watching a Jennifer Lawrence drama, initially, suggested we watch the movie together. See, why I love the man. Not only is he hilarious, brilliant, and a fantastic father, in addition, he is always making sacrifices for my joy. Ha! Honestly, no pun intended, but it is pretty funny, no?! So, I agreed to watch it together. I had forgotten that Robert De Niro was cast in the film, so I knew Mr. De Niro would keep him interested for longer than a few minutes, we are both fans of his acting. I don’t know why some people dislike Jennifer Lawrence’s acting, I think she’s great! 

Initially, I planned to watch the movie with my sister in theaters, but if you are a mother/parent/caretaker/teacher and/or work with children in any capacity, you know that it gets tough to make it to a movie with significant others or friends during the holiday season. In addition, I was training for my-first-ever-marathon, and if you’ve trained for one of those, you know that lessens any free time. So, finally, Monday, while grocery shopping, I decided I was going to treat myself to a solo movie night with ice cream, of course! You know, from my intro why that didn’t happen. Oh my! I-am-my-mother! She does this, she repeats herself, often in conversation, and I just did the same. Oh-no!!!

This movie was waiting to be viewed by me, now, today, Friday, July 27, 2016.

As I mentioned at the intro of my post, I feel that books, movies, and as recent as January 2016, articles and tweets on Twitter seem to reach me when I need them most. I was hesitant to join social media, but I’m happy that I made the decision to join six months ago because I have “met” many, many wonderful people who inspire me to continue pushing myself with my passions, primarily, writing and running. Thank you, thank you, thank you all you lovely people. Keep posting inspiring tweets!

Please, lady, get to the point of this post, will ya!

As I began to watch Joy, I knew this was one of those movies. The ones that dig deep. Without giving away the message of the movie or the plot, I must say that Ms. Joy inspired me. She reminded me that I had set goals and sitting around waiting for the right moment to get back to them was not going to work. I needed to get back to work, even if I had many, many other obstacles and factors needing attention. I had to make room and time for my goals, too.

Bloggers, keep writing, you never know who and when you are inspiring…

Along with the movie, I had been wanting to read posts from some of my favorite bloggers, but like I already mentioned, busy week, meant little time to read blogs. Well, I’m glad that I made the time to read the most recent post by Paria Hassouri from Mom On the Run Sanity( momontherunsanity.com) because her message was the icing on the cake. I needed to read her post at that particular moment because I was neglecting my running and writing in order to ensure that my son transitioned well to our move. I realized that giving myself a few hours to run and write during the transition was good for our entire family, so I resumed running on Saturday morning, bright and early. It felt euphoric! Both my husband and son had been encouraging me to continue running, but somehow, like Paria’s post, and I’m sure so many other parents, I felt guilt about taking time for my writing and running during our move.

While I wanted to run as my training plan indicated, I, initially, paused because I hurt my leg while on a trail run. The leg was OK after two days, but, then, I made excuses (poor air quality, need to pack, need to paint, need to ….). I was making excuses because I felt guilt about taking time to run instead of doing everything on my to-do-list. I know better. I know that running is extremely important to mind and body health. However, this is an example of how much our culture has ingrained guilt into motherhood. Paria is right, not every meal has to be gourmet. Sometimes, PB & J is great if it means fitting in a run or whatever activity brings parents joy and stress relief. My husband has been telling me for years, “… not every meal has to be gourmet…” Like Paria, he is, of course, correct, but there is more meaning to my reasoning for wanting “the perfect meal” at every meal. I will have to share that in a different post.

Working from home is definitely the best match for my parenting style, however, along with positives, there is a downside, especially during summer vacation. I often leave my writing for late, late or early, early. With either, I’m either too tired to wake up early and run and if I write early, then, I don’t have time to run before the LA heat/crazy traffic times that have caused me to have several close calls from drivers who value their time more than runner/pedestrian safety. 

One, in particular, was within inches of hitting me which took away from my experience for a few weeks. I experienced a bit of anxiety anytime I went near the location of that close encounter. But, I forced myself to continue running and little by little I was less anxious. Fortunately, I no longer have to run past that intersection or see that driver. A driver who instead of stopping to see if I was OK, yelled at me and sped off soon after yelling at me.

I’m now living in a community and neighborhood where I no longer need to worry about traffic and “reckless drivers” placing their time as more important than safety. Now, that we are officially, moved in, I can continue putting the oxygen mask on first. I’m beyond elated to report that with planning and dedication, so far, so good! The transition has been as lovely as my new running paths. 

My son l-o-v-es our new home and neighborhood! 

His only concern is being “the new kid “at a new school. A very normal feeling. Starting a new grade or school evokes anxiety in most children. In fact, every stage of development (middle school, high school, college, marriage, children, divorce, death, etc., etc.) brings on changes and new beginnings that evoke anxiety. However, after the anxiety subsides, there is relief and growth. 

But, I’m not worried because he has excellent social skills and is a social butterfly, so, I know he will make friends quickly. Plus, we committed to having him remain in contact with his old school/neighborhood friends.

I c-a-n-not believe how quickly summer has flown by this year… My son will be starting 6^th grade in less than two weeks?!?! While I love, love, love spending summer going on fun outings with him and family, his return to school, also signals, a return to my normal writing and running hours. I have several races planned in fall, but as soon as the school year begins, I know I will quickly catch up to my writing and running goals without guilt. Have you ever felt guilt about the time running takes up in your life? If so, how did you overcome guilt? 

Why my son won’t ever hear me utter: I need to lose weight, I need to go on a diet, I look fat, etc.

Yes. Long title, huh? I’ll try to shorten it, but for now, on to my newest though of the week. Lately, maybe because its summer, I have been hearing the word “fat” tossed around like lettuce in a salad. Pretty bad, I know. Since the topic popped up, as an aside, my blog is much less formal than my professional writing, but in keeping with the idea of a blog, I’d like to keep it to an informal conversation with you. So, I’m speaking to you as if we were face to face.

Why do I say my son won’t ever hear me utter words related to weight?

Since before his birth, as soon as I had the thought that I wanted to be a mother, I knew, I was going to parent to the best of my abilities (that sounded a bit like marriage vows, huh?). When we take the vows of marriage, we are asked to promise to: love, honor, cherish, etc., etc.,…for as long as we both shall live. We need a license, too. However, for parenting, there is none of that. Going into this region entails discussing political issues which I know are a HUGE no-no in any circle, so I won’t even take a peak in there…

While there is no official certificate or license needed to become a parent, I made an internal commitment, my internal “certificate”. I was going to make parenting a happy, healthy, and most importantly, kind-hearted person my goal. With my prior knowledge in child development, psychology, and education, I was going to put in my best efforts at ensuring that he was not bombarded with negative messages like the rest of us. It might sound like I was aiming for a bubble child, which initially, yes, I will admit, I was going to the extreme. But, I’m highly self-aware, and as soon as I was headed in the direction of “chopper parent”, I pulled back, reflected, and made adjustments to ensure that I was parenting in a healthy manner. 

So far, so good, my little guy, not really little, but I think in my eyes he will always be my little guy. I now understand how parents reference their children as babies even as they enter adulthood. We have an adoration for the little person we created that it becomes impossible to imagine that one day, they, like us, will no longer be alive. By referring to them as “my baby” “my little guy” my little fill in the blank, we are subconsciously denying or not willing to accept their mortality. And, I digressed from my topic…, again! I apologize. In blogging, I realize, I must do this in face to face conversations. Whoops! How annoying, right?! Good thing blogging allowed me to view this annoying trait.

Yes, back to the topic at hand. So far, I feel that the countering of all or most of the messages that dent and jab at a person’s self-esteem, confidence, and outlook on life has been beneficial to my son’s development. No, he is not a perfect specimen. No, I did not create the ideal child. No, I did not raise a text book child. But, the goal of ensuring that he is happy, healthy, and kind are most definitely flourishing by always keeping to my internal commitment. It’s definitely not easy to counter all the messages from the powerhouses of our world, but my personality is a good match for them, for sure! Ask my family and close friends. When I commit, I don’t give up until I reach my goal.

How do I counter the power houses?

Consistency. Consistency is not easy. As a parent, runner, and writer, I know that to be incredibly true. There are days when I just wish I could skip out on parenting because my style of parenting is not easy. Like marathon training and writing my first book, it is hard work. It is fun, for sure, but before the fun can truly be appreciated, it is a steep, steep hill.

Alright, lady, enough about steep hill analogies, how did you do it?

Like I said, consistency. As a woman, primarily a woman living in Los Angeles, the messages to maintain the beauty standard of our current society are like flyers on a windshield. Whether or not you place yourself in the image capital of the world, the messages reach you. The messages are everywhere. Literally, e-v-e-r-y-where! Come to think of it, I think I’m going to have to make this a sequel post. Sorry my lovely readers who prefer shorter posts, but as I write, I realize there is a lot of content that needs to be discussed.

Books

We shall begin with my favorite material item in the world-books. I have been reading to my son since he was in utero. Along with that, I made books, reading, book stores, and libraries a need and want. I promise to detail how I achieved this in a different post. One of my favorite shared activities with my son is reading to him. I still do. However, now, that he is on the cusp of adolescence, picture books are not his thing. Still mine, but not his. However, picture books were the pot of gold back when he was “younger”. Ha! I laugh when I hear children refer to themselves as “when I was younger”. I’m sure we did the same, so I just find it endearing and adorable when I hear them use this phrase.

The larger my son’s home library grew and the more we visited bookstores and libraries, the more I realized that I needed to edit some of the language and illustrations. Before becoming a parent, I read all picture books to nieces and nephews verbatim, cover to cover with my animated voice and exaggerated acting. However, as a parent, I was on the driver seat, I was shaping my son’s mind. I was responsible for his interpretation of the messages in the books and I didn’t agree with all of them. Sure, they all had a nice overarching message, but embedded in the book were messages that he would pick up as acceptable if I didn’t embellish and or omit content and information. It sounds exhausting, right? It wasn’t. The book part of my attempts at countering jabs and dents at self-esteem, confidence and body image was the “easy run” of my plan. To be continued…

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I’m Naming Myself… “The Bleacher Learning Fairy”

As many of you know, my son plays on a "travel" baseball team. If you aren't certain or are clueless about youth "travel" baseball, you're in luck because I will be writing a blog post about what "travel" baseball is and isn't'. A debunking of the myths and awareness of the realities-positive and not so positive. I hope this future post will help parents unsure or on the fence on this type of extra-curricular activity/sport. I prefer to make my post detailed for parents who (like me, a few years ago) aren’t sure about allowing their child to participate in “travel” play, so, I will post as soon as I feel the content will be helpful.

However, for this post, I'm focusing on one of the joys of being a part of a "travel" baseball family. As you've learned from previous posts and tweets on Twitter, I LOVE to spread love and kindness as much as I can, and it's no different with my son's baseball team. I truly enjoy watching these kind, lovely, talented, and well-rounded group of almost-adolescents play and develop through a sport that I, too, LOVE! Many of them have already turned 12- signaling their last "official" year of childhood, but, I prefer to think that until the last boy celebrates his 12^th birthday, they are still 11, like their 11U category. I can’t pause time, but I can use language to make it seem like I have that special power. Fortunately, my son won’t be turning 12 until the fall.

Part of being a member of a "travel" baseball family entails forming friendships and relationships with the other families. Often, we spend more time with this "family" than our biological families. With that, comes very similar dynamics. Regardless of what group one enters (school, career, sports team, dance, music, etc.), we eventually reenact our role in the same manner as our biological family role. If you read my posts and tweets, you know that I'm a nurturer and enjoy taking on a maternal role. Hence, it's not a surprise that I do the same in all my groups to a degree. Primarily, groups involving my son.

I'm one my son's travel team's biggest supporters. I’ve been fortunate to have been able to attend all of his games. I don’t have the cheerleader voice, but, I make up for it by clapping away, tapping at my leg from time to time in annoyance when there are human errors in the part of the umpires. O-k... it's more like a hard tap, but that's the extent of my annoyance, and a small-tiny grumble from time to time.  I'm not perfect, I'm human. 

Additionally, I always have positive commentary for my son and his teammates. At times, I'm sure they wish I wouldn't say anything. Especially, the rough games, but, it's who I am and I can't help but have praise and positive words for children. However, I can see when it’s best to not say anything and I don’t. Children don't always want praise. Sometimes, they want and should feel negative emotions and time to reflect on their own.

I'm sidetracking, again. I apologize, I'm still learning the ropes of the blogging world… More about this in future posts. Back to the reasoning for this post. This post is related to the role I embrace on my son's team while sitting on the bleachers or my beach chair. While my son is an only child, some of his teammates have younger siblings. Since I was a child, I have been a magnet for children. Ha! It's probably my inner child peeking out to say hello and children, immediately, spot it. As professional as I can be, I am also a goofy-happy-go-lucky person and naturally children appreciate an adult that can be both an adult and child.

Well, one of the siblings, an incredibly talented, hilarious, and deep thinker often sits next to me. I love chatting up a storm with her because her thinking is incredibly deep, mature, and positive. So, this past weekend as we watched my son and her brother battle it out for first place in Pony Baseball Sectionals, a great idea sparked from our conversations during our time on the bleachers cheering for her “rock star” (how she refers to her brother on the field) and my favorite-baseball-player-of-all-time. We do “whoops” (she cheers, I clap) while we raise the roof each time they have an at-bat! Ha! She is fun!

The commentary and messages within our conversations have a depth that is often experienced in a social sciences college classroom. As a 7-year-old, her thinking is only going to continue to flourish which I continually praise and scaffold. Her mom and I laugh a lot when we hear her commentary. Like I explained to her when she asked why I laugh at her commentary, "I laugh because you are funny, a great thinker and sometimes I laugh when I'm amazed”. She lit up when she heard me describe her as funny and a great thinker. As a girl resembling a Disney character princess, she is probably used to being described and praised for her physical appearance, first. Since the first day I met her, I praised her mind qualities because I try not to focus on physical attractiveness, especially with girls. I don’t want the focus to be on appearance. They will forever be bombarded with messages telling them that’s what they should value and strive for most. So, I will do my part in countering that terrible message as often as I can. My son has definitely benefited from my continual countering of messages trying to dent confidence and self-esteem. More on that in a different post.

You’re side-tracking, again, lady…

Yes, yes, I am. I do apologize, I tend to do that when I feel passionate about a subject. This story, Karina! Ok, where was I? Yes, now I remember, I had a light-bulb (Ding! Ding! Ding!)idea as we discussed the world’s greatest problems. Since I’m a writer and she shares many interests with my son and me, I asked if she wanted to write a book. I have previously mentioned to her, “…We need to write a book together…”But, this weekend, I decided to actually start the book. She loved the idea and embraced it. “I like coming to the baseball games now… You want to know why?” she asked with her sweet voice. “Why?” I asked. “Be-cause I get to see you.” Yes, my heart melted.

How Will We Go About Our Book?

Summer is my son’s favorite season. Not only because he is on summer vacation, but, mostly because he is able to play baseball several times a week with his baseball friends. They practice a couple days per week and play in several weekend long tournaments. Currently, they are participating in the Pony League All-Stars which entails weekly tournament play. Last weekend, they played for the Pony Sectionals Title (a giant banner that hangs in their home fields). After an incredibly anxiety provoking game, they placed second when a talented hitter on the opposing team hit a walk-off home run. 

Stop sidetracking, Karina! Sorry… back to the book idea.

Yes, the book idea was started as we watched this last exciting game. I guess I can multi-task, after all. Ha! Look at that, I just had that realization. I try to remain mindful during most of my activities, but at times, I guess it can be acceptable to focus on two activities simultaneously and enjoy both.

Each time she attends a game, we will add content to her designated chapter titles. After each section is complete, she will be adding illustrations. By the time her brother and my son reach Cooperstown (next summer), she will have a book of her 7 year-old thought about our society and world. I saw an interest in the spoken and written word, so what better way to nurture that fascination and wonderment about life than writing it down. This could possibly lead her to bigger ideas and books.

She’s a teacher and runner, too!

If you are around children, often, you know that in teaching them, we are learning, too. With this particular 7 year-old, this concept is most definitely applicable. Not only is she hilarious and bright, she is also a runner and dancer. Yes, a runner! She enjoys discussing hydration, gear, speed, mileage, etc. While I’m teaching her about writing and running, she's teaching me about the ballet world. I took a ballet 101 class a few years ago and learned the basics, but after not practicing the terminology and poses, I definitely need a refresher course. However, Ms.-seven-year-old-smarty-party is giving me ballet lessons and homework. I’ve been practicing my pirouettes and need to show her progress this weekend. It’s fun! Not only am I teaching and learning, but I’m also getting an opportunity to experience what having a little girl is like since I only have experience mothering a boy. It’s a win-win. I'm off to learn more about our world...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LLTM_KP0Dsg